Equally Shared Parenting - Half the Work ... All the Fun
Home
Primer on parental equality
Essays on the challenges, benefits and daily life of equal parents
Equal sharing spin on parenting news and other topics
Spreading the word about ESP
Evaluate your equal sharing options
Real life stories
Meet your site hosts
Organizations, books and other resources on equally shared parenting
Email us with a question or request for consultation.





Resources

While we are the only equal parenting website run by equal sharing parents that we know of, we aren’t the only ones talking about this lifestyle.  Look below for information about excellent social studies texts, books, and organizations supportive of our cause.  If you don’t have time to check out all our suggestions, we’ve highlighted the most practical and relevant ones in red:

Websites/Organizations

  • Evolution of DadEvolutionofdad.com.  Website of the upcoming documentary film celebrating the involved father.  Upbeat, real and filled with the voices of experts (lauded academics and practicing fathers).
  • Father and FamilyLinkFatherfamilylink.gse.upenn.edu.  National Center on Fathers and Families website devoted to information for fathers, with good links to other such organizations.  The site is dated – no one seems to be keeping it current these days – but it does contain a good review of the literature on equal sharing by Terry Arendell from 1997.
  • Moms Rising Momsrising.org and partner Familiesrising.org.
  • Mothers Movement OnlineMothersmovement.org.
  • National Center for FatheringFathers.com.  Updated resource for all things daddy.  No presence on this site for equal sharing, however.
  • Center for a New American Dreamwww.newamericandream.org.  Organization devoted to responsible consumption. Among its mantras is the belief that 'living consciously means getting more of what really matters in life, being aware of what’s going on around you, finding balance, and having a little fun while you’re at it'.  The website is full of excellent resources.
  • ParentopiaParentopia.net.  Website of two of the three Mommy Guilt authors (see book section below).
  • Sharon Teitelbaum: Stcoach.com. Sharon is a work-life and career coach who raised her now-grown children under the equally shared parenting model with her husband.  She coaches working parents throughout the US, helping them create the work-family-self balance that works for their family.
  • Thirdpath InstituteThirdpath.org.  The ThirdPath Institute is an organization dedicated to reform and education to make equally shared parenting (‘Shared Care’ is their term) possible.  ThirdPath offers consultation, a workbook, a free email newsletter, and many other resources to help couples work toward equality.  We love ThirdPath!


Books

  • Family Man: Fatherhood, Housework, and Gender Equity  (Scott Coltrane; 1996).  Sociological discussion of shared parenting from the perspective of the father rather than the mother.
  • Father Courage: What Happens When Men Put Family First  (Suzanne Braun Levine; 2000).  Refreshingly positive description of men who are fully involved in their children’s lives.  Introduces the concepts of the ‘Dreaded Tape’ and the ‘Grinding Gears’ to describe how men and women are different in their approaches to family and work activities.
  • Gender Vertigo: American Families in Transition (Barbara J Risman; 1998).  A feminist look at gender and how it pervades all that we do, followed by an in-depth analysis of 15 equally sharing couples with children.  The kids are interviewed as well as their parents, for an interesting study of how gender equality at home can affect children's views of men and women.   For more information, see our review of this book here.
  • Get to Work: A Manifesto for Women of the World (Linda R. Hirshman; 2006).  Controversial and strongly worded call to all women to create a fulfilling life for themselves rather than fall prey to inequality.  Although Linda writes in a dictatorial and accusing style, her philosophy is centrally about equality between partners.  We disagree with her view that women should only have one child, marry young or much older, and other specifics, but hope that her equality message is heard above the din of her enemies.  Check out her website too, at www.gettoworkmanifesto.com.
  • Halving It All: How Equally Shared Parenting Works (Francine M. Deutsch; 1999).  The most comprehensive study of equally shared parenting, as gleaned from interviews with parents.  The parents interviewed varied in their degree of equality, and almost none of them seemed to intentionally create an equal sharing lifestyle (they just fell into it).  Nonetheless, the author reviews much of the philosophy and practicality of equal sharing in a way that no other book does.
  • How to Avoid the Mommy Trap (Julie Shields; 2002).  Excellent how-to book for creating equally shared parenting.  This book is written from the perspective of the woman, not the couple, although it does discuss the benefits of equal sharing for men.  It aims to teach women how to marry the right guy, negotiate for equality, and make it happen.  Julie Shields also has a website, www.mommytrap.com, that merits a one-time visit (it is not regularly updated).
  • Kidding Ourselves: Breadwinning, Babies, and Bargaining Power (Rhona Mahony; 1995).  Detailed description of why women in our society end up with most of the housework and childraising tasks, and what to do about it.  Click here for a more indepth review of this book.
  • Love Between Equals: How Peer Marriage Really Works (Pepper Schwartz; 1995).  Lovingly crafted ode to equal marriages that examines the benefits and challenges and compares this lifestyle to traditional and 'near-peer' relationships.  While not specifically focusing on couples with children, many examples include such couples and a whole chapter describes equal childraising.  Click here for a more indepth review of this book.
  • Marathon Dad: Setting a Pace that Works for Working Fathers (John Evans; 1998).  Lovely how-to book for men on becoming involved fathers and why this is the best thing they can do to lead happy and meaningful lives.
  • Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids (Julie Bort, Aviva Pflock and Devra Renner; 2005).  Book written for moms only (unfortunately, but understandably) outlining general philosophies and providing dozens and dozens of tips to enjoy parenting.  Teaches moms not to feel guilty about pursuing their own hobbies, and sifts through all the garbage we tell ourselves to get to the real meaning of parenthood.  Small section on fathers explains how moms should learn to let go and let their husbands take over some of the parenting. 
  • Opting In: Having a Child Without Losing Yourself (Amy Richards; 2008).  Call to women (and men) to take responsibility for creating the lives they want, and discussion of some of the personal barriers to equal sharing.  Details of how to achieve equally shared parenting are not provided, but this book is a well-written description of what prevents us from getting there if we elect to go with the cultural status quo.
  • Parenting Partners: How to Encourage Dads to Participate in the Daily Lives of Their Children (Robert Frank and Kathryn E. Livingston; 1999).  How-to book for each stage of your child's life, written by a family therapist and fatherhood/parenting researcher (Frank).
  • Parenting Together: Men and Women Sharing the Care of Their Children (Diane Ehrensaft; 1990).  Older book, but full of interesting discussions about the emotional effects on parents who share equally in raising their children and on the children themselves.  This book is the result of interviews with 40 couples who equally share.   
  • Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety (Judith Warner; 2005).  Much discussed and quoted description of mothers gone wrong – exhaustion-fueled and filled with angst about things that don’t really matter – while fathers escape to work.  Judith interviews primarily upper middle class mothers and reviews the path of feminism from Betty Friedan until today.  Alas, equally shared parenting is not mentioned as a solution to some of the issues raised.  An excellent read, nonetheless.
  • Role-Sharing Marriage (Audrey D. Smith and William J. Reid; 1986).  Written way back in 1986, this book is based on about 200 interviews with equal sharing couples (only 37 couples have children, however).  Authors are an equal sharing couple themselves.  The book is full of practical data about the sharing of all domains in equal or semi-equal marriages, and their findings are interesting albeit now a bit dated.  Unfortunately, there is scant information here on equal parents who both work reduced hours (only 2 couples).
  • The Feminine Mistake (Leslie Bennetts; 2007).  Well researched and anxiety-provoking discussion of what women stand to lose by becoming stay-at-home mothers.  Leslie believes in gender equal marriages, and tries to live this way with her husband.  The book misses the nuances of true partnership, however, and never addresses the viability of reduced hours work for both parents.
  • The Four-Thirds Solution: Solving the Child-Care Crisis in America Today (Stanley I Greenspan and Jacqueline Salmon; 2001).  A book that touts equally shared parenting and both parents each working 2/3rds time as the solution for balanced families.  Unfortunately, only one real-life example in the book comes close to this ideal, but it is still refreshing to read of such strong support for equally shared parenting from a nationally known childcare expert (Greenspan).
  • The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women (Susan J. Douglas and Meredith W. Michaels; 2004).  This book covers much of the same territory as Perfect Madness, but with much more anger.  Compelling data are reviewed on the media’s role in making us all anxious and frightened parents, and the comparisons we make with ‘perfect’ celebrity parents.
  • The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars (Miriam Peskowitz; 2005).  Impassioned and well-researched description of what is wrong with the current state of unequal parenting.  This book focuses on external changes (e.g., better part-time jobs, family leave, childcare); there is a small mention of equal breadwinning but this book does not explore equal childraising.  Miriam also writes an excellent continuing discussion of parenting and politics at www.everydaymomblog.com
  • This is How We Do It: The Working Mothers’ Manifesto (Carol Evans; 2006).  Written by the CEO and President of Working Mother magazine, this book describes the successful ‘can-do’ working mother balancing it all.  There is mention of equal sharing, although it is not the main focus of the book.
  • Working Fathers: New Strategies for Balancing Work and Family (James A. Levine and Todd L. Pittinsky; 1997).  Well researched description of the problems fathers face in balancing their lives and being involved with their children.  Includes tips for breaking cultural barriers at work, taking meaningful paternity leave, and reconnecting with your spouse.



  Home · What is Equally Shared Parenting? · How It Works · Equality Blog · In the News · Toolbox · About Marc and Amy · Resources · Contact Us

All Contents ©2008 Marc and Amy Vachon