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While we are the only equal parenting website run by equal sharing
parents that we know of, we aren’t the only ones talking about this
lifestyle. Look below for information about excellent social
studies texts, books, and organizations supportive of our cause.
If you don’t have time to check out all our suggestions, we’ve
highlighted the most practical and relevant ones in red:
Websites/Organizations
- Evolution of Dad:
Evolutionofdad.com.
Website of the upcoming documentary film celebrating the involved
father. Upbeat, real and filled with the voices of experts
(lauded academics and practicing fathers).
- Father and FamilyLink:
Fatherfamilylink.gse.upenn.edu.
National Center
on Fathers and Families website devoted to information for fathers,
with good links to other such organizations. The site is dated –
no one seems to be keeping it current these days – but it does contain
a good review of the literature on equal sharing by Terry Arendell from
1997.
- Moms Rising:
Momsrising.org and
partner Familiesrising.org.
- Mothers Movement Online:
Mothersmovement.org.
- National Center for
Fathering: Fathers.com.
Updated resource for
all things daddy. No presence on this site for equal sharing,
however.
- Center for a New American
Dream: www.newamericandream.org.
Organization devoted to responsible consumption. Among its mantras is
the belief that 'living consciously means
getting more of what really matters in life, being aware of what’s
going on around you, finding balance, and having a little fun while
you’re at it'. The website is full of excellent resources.
- Parentopia: Parentopia.net.
Website of two of the three Mommy Guilt authors (see book section
below).
- Sharon
Teitelbaum: Stcoach.com.
Sharon is a work-life and career coach who raised her now-grown
children under the equally shared parenting model with her
husband. She coaches working parents throughout the US, helping
them create the work-family-self balance that works for their family.
- Thirdpath
Institute: Thirdpath.org.
The ThirdPath
Institute is an organization dedicated to reform and education to make
equally shared parenting (‘Shared Care’ is their term) possible.
ThirdPath offers consultation, a workbook, a free email newsletter, and
many other resources to help couples work toward equality. We
love ThirdPath!
Books
- Family Man: Fatherhood, Housework, and
Gender Equity
(Scott Coltrane; 1996). Sociological discussion of shared
parenting from the perspective of the father rather than the mother.
- Father Courage: What
Happens When Men Put Family First (Suzanne
Braun Levine;
2000). Refreshingly positive description of men
who are
fully involved in their children’s lives. Introduces the concepts
of the ‘Dreaded Tape’ and the ‘Grinding Gears’ to describe how men and
women are different in their approaches to family and work activities.
- Gender
Vertigo: American Families in Transition (Barbara J Risman; 1998). A feminist look at gender
and how it pervades all that we do, followed by an in-depth
analysis of 15 equally sharing couples with children. The
kids are interviewed as well as their parents, for an interesting study
of how gender equality at home can affect children's views of men and
women. For more information, see our review of this
book here.
- Get to Work: A Manifesto
for Women of the World (Linda R. Hirshman;
2006). Controversial
and strongly worded call to all women to create a fulfilling life for
themselves rather than fall prey to inequality. Although Linda
writes in a dictatorial and accusing style, her philosophy is centrally
about equality between partners. We disagree with
her view that women should only have one child, marry young or much
older, and other specifics, but hope that her equality message is heard
above the din of her enemies. Check out her website too, at www.gettoworkmanifesto.com.
- Halving It All: How
Equally Shared Parenting Works (Francine M. Deutsch;
1999). The most comprehensive study of equally
shared
parenting, as gleaned from interviews with parents. The parents
interviewed varied in their degree of equality, and almost none of them
seemed to intentionally create an equal sharing lifestyle (they just
fell into it). Nonetheless, the author reviews much of the
philosophy and practicality of equal sharing in a way that no other
book
does.
- How
to Avoid the Mommy Trap (Julie Shields; 2002).
Excellent
how-to book for creating equally shared parenting. This book is
written from the perspective of the woman, not the couple, although it
does discuss the benefits of equal sharing for men. It aims to
teach women how to marry the right guy, negotiate for equality, and
make it happen. Julie Shields also has a website, www.mommytrap.com,
that merits a one-time visit (it is not regularly
updated).
- Kidding
Ourselves: Breadwinning, Babies, and Bargaining Power (Rhona Mahony; 1995). Detailed description of why
women in our society end up with most of the housework and childraising
tasks, and what to do about it. Click
here for a more indepth review of this book.
- Love
Between Equals: How Peer Marriage Really Works (Pepper
Schwartz; 1995). Lovingly crafted ode to equal marriages that
examines the benefits and challenges and compares this lifestyle to
traditional and 'near-peer' relationships. While not specifically
focusing on couples with children, many examples include such couples
and a whole chapter describes equal childraising. Click here
for a more indepth review of this book.
- Marathon Dad: Setting a
Pace that Works for Working Fathers (John Evans;
1998). Lovely
how-to book for men on becoming involved fathers and why this is the
best thing they can do to lead happy and meaningful lives.
- Mommy
Guilt: Learn to
Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids (Julie
Bort, Aviva Pflock and Devra Renner; 2005). Book written
for moms only (unfortunately, but understandably) outlining general
philosophies and providing dozens and dozens of tips to enjoy
parenting. Teaches moms not to feel guilty about pursuing their
own hobbies, and sifts through all the garbage we tell ourselves to get
to the real meaning of parenthood. Small section on fathers
explains how moms should learn to let go and
let their husbands take over some of the parenting.
- Opting
In: Having a Child Without Losing Yourself (Amy
Richards; 2008). Call to women (and men) to take responsibility
for creating the lives they want, and discussion of some of the
personal barriers to equal sharing. Details of how to achieve
equally shared parenting are not provided, but this book is a
well-written description of what prevents us from getting there if we
elect to go with the cultural status quo.
- Parenting Partners: How to Encourage Dads
to Participate in the Daily Lives of Their Children
(Robert Frank and Kathryn E. Livingston; 1999). How-to book for
each stage of your child's life, written by a family therapist and
fatherhood/parenting researcher (Frank).
- Parenting Together: Men
and Women Sharing the Care of Their Children (Diane
Ehrensaft;
1990). Older book, but full of interesting discussions
about the emotional effects on parents who share equally in raising
their children and on the children themselves. This book is the
result of interviews with 40 couples who equally share.
- Perfect Madness:
Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety (Judith Warner;
2005). Much
discussed and quoted description of mothers gone wrong –
exhaustion-fueled and filled with angst about things that don’t really
matter – while fathers escape to work. Judith interviews
primarily upper middle class mothers and reviews the path of feminism
from Betty Friedan until today. Alas, equally shared parenting is
not mentioned as a solution to some of the issues raised. An
excellent read, nonetheless.
- Role-Sharing
Marriage (Audrey
D. Smith and William J. Reid; 1986). Written way back in
1986, this book is based on about 200 interviews with equal sharing
couples (only 37 couples have children, however). Authors are an
equal sharing couple themselves. The book is full of practical
data about the sharing of all domains in equal or semi-equal
marriages, and their findings are interesting albeit now a bit
dated. Unfortunately, there is scant information here on equal
parents who both work reduced hours (only 2 couples).
- The Feminine Mistake
(Leslie Bennetts; 2007).
Well researched and anxiety-provoking discussion of what women stand to
lose by becoming stay-at-home mothers. Leslie believes in gender
equal marriages, and tries to live this way with her husband. The
book misses the nuances of true partnership, however, and never
addresses the viability of reduced hours work for both parents.
- The
Four-Thirds Solution: Solving the Child-Care Crisis in America Today
(Stanley I Greenspan and Jacqueline Salmon;
2001). A book that touts equally shared parenting and both
parents each working 2/3rds time as the solution for balanced
families. Unfortunately, only one real-life example in the book
comes close to this ideal, but it is still refreshing to read of such
strong support for equally shared parenting from a nationally known
childcare expert (Greenspan).
- The Mommy Myth: The
Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women
(Susan J. Douglas and Meredith W. Michaels;
2004). This
book covers much of the same territory as Perfect Madness, but with
much more anger. Compelling data are reviewed on the media’s role
in making us all anxious and frightened parents, and the comparisons we
make with ‘perfect’ celebrity parents.
- The
Truth Behind the Mommy
Wars (Miriam Peskowitz; 2005). Impassioned and
well-researched description of what is wrong with the current state of
unequal parenting. This book focuses on external changes (e.g.,
better part-time jobs, family leave, childcare); there is a small
mention of equal breadwinning but this book does not explore equal
childraising. Miriam also writes an excellent continuing
discussion of parenting and politics at www.everydaymomblog.com.
- This is How We Do It: The
Working Mothers’ Manifesto (Carol Evans;
2006). Written
by the CEO and President of Working Mother magazine, this book
describes the successful ‘can-do’ working mother balancing it
all. There is mention of equal sharing, although it is not the
main focus of the book.
- Working Fathers: New
Strategies for Balancing Work and Family (James A.
Levine and
Todd L. Pittinsky; 1997). Well researched description of the
problems fathers face in balancing their lives and being involved with
their children. Includes tips for breaking cultural barriers at
work, taking meaningful paternity leave, and reconnecting with your
spouse.
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